Doctor, Stare It Cold

I have a brain tumor, probably a metastisis of my cancer.

My only job for the next several weeks is to stay alive and
allow the radiation to do its work. Since your either alive or dead at any point in time I hope I stay alive. Alive and able to move.

My tenth general low-level treatment is on Monday, Aug. 3rd.
These first ten were to clean the brain of any possible potential
cancers. The CT’s been done for the “boost” radiation series,
these next ten are designed to go after the tumor.

I hope it works. I’d feel a lot better about having advanced
cancer if my brain were clear. At the end we’ll do an MRI
and have a look. I’d follow Ming (my radiation oncologist) into
hell anyway, and I believe him when he tells me (1) this is
serious and (2) he can help. Sometimes you have to let
somebody else drive.

The biggest effects of radiation are hair loss and fatigue. I’m
already in the hair loss category due to the chemotherapy, so
that’s a no-brainer. The fatigue is doable. I have nothing to do
now but rest anyway. I pour myself to my appointment, and
pour myself home. My husband accompanies me. It’s nice.

I’m grateful for radiation oncology.
It’s the dead of summer anyway. Interestingly, we’re having nice
cool weather at the moment. I have the window open in the bedroom
here, and am just enjoying the air.

I’m working on a poem. It’s called RadHead.

RadHead

Leane Roffey Line, PhD. c. 2009

For you, my brain, I tow the line
Been living in a mind so fine
The treatment plan proceeds with care
External beam precision there.

RadHead RadHead deep inside
The rhythmeen calls the core provide
Precision radiation fee
A bass player’s oncology

I sing to ZZ Top and play
The bass lines deep inside that way
Right cerebellopotine angle mass
Intracanalicular component past

You’re small you are
19.4 mm AP X 15.3 mm transverse
X 16.3 mm cephalocaudad, but if you swell
Where you are sends me to hell

RadHead RadHead Carcinoma
Breast Disease and thelioma
For I am a Cancer Queen
Living on my Rhythmeen.

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